Clearly there had just been an incident the aftermath of which I was passing on my lunchtime walk from work – possibly one that had caused or nearly caused the cyclist to come off his bike.
There was a smattering of more loud words before the cyclist finished with a curt “I’ve got your number, mate” and took off. Before he disappeared, I was tempted to approach him and tell him his aggression was not on. Then I thought – how would I react if I was on a bike and this was the umpteenth time my life had been endangered by a driver? Would I be able to summon much grace or finesse? I hoped, come such a moment, I wouldn’t display the ugliness of that cyclist.
It made me think of the vagaries of personality, how it was possible for two people to react differently under the same circumstances, and how we can understand and work with our inner forces to make us better people.
Personality is the face an individual presents to the world, coming out of a complex internal matrix shaped by a range of factors including a person’s genes, their parents, life experience, cultural influences, gender, age and physical condition. The matrix also holds a large dose of mystery, the element of unknown as to why exactly someone is the way they are and which rounds off the full, unique package that is their personality.
The personality is, like everything else in the field of time and space, subject to continuous change and to the flux – the ups and downs, conflicts and tensions – that entails. Managing one’s personality is one of the most important things we can do because the good that we create in ourselves inevitably affects others and creates the conditions of loving kindness under which everything prospers. To master the personality is not to somehow get rid of or iron out life’s fluctuations, which is impossible, but to ride the daily waves up and down attuned to wholeness and the better parts of our nature.
The personality could be said to operate according to three principles: the self, the other and the image.
The self is the internally contained driver of the personality in the day-to-day world as well as the set of understandings a person has about who they are. The self responds to the raw facts of daily living and is ultimately responsible for the thoughts, emotions and desires that arise in the personality. Most of what we do most of the time seems automatic because the personality is able to learn from life and act in ways that keep it, generally speaking, functional. However, its own complexity and that of human society inevitably present a host of challenges to the health of the personality which require both a vital sense of self and self-knowledge.
A person with a weak or undeveloped sense of self is at the whim of social forces and their own emotions, thoughts and desires. The task towards a healthy personality is about understanding one’s inner dynamics – what arises when and why – as well as acquiring the skills to make conscious, discerning decisions for the good. These days there is a large variety of self-development modalities with the potential to increase a person’s self-knowledge and improve the functioning of the self. Whatever it is that helps an individual – a particular practice of yoga, meditation or therapy or a combination of things – the requirement is mostly hard work and patience over many years.
The other is a principle of difference that exists because the personality is aware of an external world and has to negotiate relationships. It is the personality’s means to understand and relate to external people and objects, with the personality creating groups, types and labels (often with the assistance of society) to separate the beneficial from the harmful.
For most individuals the other is identified with actual people and objects, but like the self it is actually a dynamic within the personality and not external to it. It generates a framework or structure on reality. And because the other is all about difference, everything within the personality itself that is not in accord or easily assimilated or normalised tends to be drawn into the other and can end up as a view on an external person or object. This is the sense of the term “projection” in psychology, when aspects of what is broken or irrational within are cast outwards. Whole societies as well as individuals can manufacture projections of the other, as happened with the witch craze in Europe and North America in the 17th century, the persecution of Jews in Nazi Germany and McCarthyism against Communists in 1950s America. The personality’s response to the other is influenced by its own self-awareness, for when the self is in healthy balance within the personality the other is also experienced with proportion and goodwill.
The image is the transpersonal factor in the personality that opens it to dimensions deeper than the everyday material world. Numinous, transcendent, archetypal, spiritual – all are words for that which is perceived, often dimly if at all, as reflecting mysteries about the nature of the personality and the world as whole. Out of this perception of the unknown comes an image, or multiple images, for the human mind to digest. Dreams are carriers of the image; religions build on and develop the image to create practices and beliefs that nurture relationship to the source of being. God or gods, demons, angels, saints and prophets are various manifestations of the image, pointing to the many layers and levels of the mystery of creation.
It’s healthy for the personality to recognise and find a meaningful relationship with the transpersonal because life is multi-dimensional, evolving, and can’t be reduced to any structure, system or way of thought. The open, inquiring, receptive personality allows the image to speak to it and makes use of the image to enrich its experience of life. Just as with the self and the other, the dangers that exist in relation to the image are about its strength or weakness in the personality. Too strong, concrete or fixed and the personality can become enslaved to the image; too weak or non-existent and the meaning and vitality of living is drained. The key is a creative response within an overall template of balance.
